03 February 2008

Difficult times

The past few weeks have been incredibly difficult for me - an ill cat (he's now fine), car troubles (ceaseless), money worries, a slow-down in work, some other personal stuff... all of which has resulted in me being in a bit of a grump for a while.

I had a major grump yesterday, ranted a bit, and found myself with my fingers hovering over the keyboard with a job application form in front of me. It's the closest I've been in 14 months of self employment to jacking it all in and getting a real job just so I have some money in the bank and can stop the horrid letters from the Student Loans people.

But then I remembered that I'm a bit of a pig-headed idiot and I don't give up. Giving up is stupid. Changing - that's the way to do things, but not giving up. There's always a way out, and while a "real" job is certainly one way out, I think I've become too antisocial now to be easily re-integrated into working society. Most employers frown at the idea of turning up to work in your pyjamas, showering half-way through the morning, not shaving for weeks at a time if you can get away with it, and the other fine distractions I have.

So I'm getting positive. I'm making proper aims, and proper things to look forward to. I'm planning how to achieve what I want. A lot of stuff I want I know I can't have; I know what I want might change with time. But I'm going to put it all down now and see where I get to. I will get through this difficult patch. Honest.

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